Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Paper Title: Final Project Milestone Three: Defend your claim No. of Pages: At least 3 pages Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Research Taken English? No English as Second Language? No Feedback Areas: Citations & References, Grammar & Mechanics Paper Goals: I’m writing a paper base on the great depression to defend my claim. I would like a help to improve my writing style (focus/ thesis statement, sentence structure, organization). Proofing Summary: Hello Scott, Thank you for submitting your essay. I really enjoyed reading your research regarding the Great Depression. Strengths: You have a firm grasp on competing theories about the cause of the Great Depression. Keep up the good work as you work out your organization! Suggestions: -Thesis Statement -Essay Structure I see in your Paper Goals that you were to make and defend a claim. If this is the case, be sure that the specific claim you’re making is clear in this essay. Once you have done this, think about the main points you’ll need to make in its defense. For example, if my claim was “There were multiple causes of the Great Depression,” a thesis could be: There were multiple causes of the Great Depression, including __, __, and __. If you were asked to make a more specific claim: The primary cause of the Great Depression was __, because _, _, and _.” What I’m getting at is that you need to make your primary claim clear, and give the reader an idea of what you’ll cover in the paper. If you do this, you’ll be able to better organize your work because the thesis points will tell you what the topics of your paragraphs need to be. I’ve made some specific comments regarding your References page, but feel that more attention should be paid to the in-text citations, as you may have a slight misunderstanding there. If you’d like to send a revision, please feel free to do so. You may also want to take advantage of resources on our website at https://my.snhu.edu/Offices/COCE/WritingCenter/Pages/default.aspx or on our YouTube page at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVg8n4JSRvpg_Yqnk7Vutbg. page 1 / 6 Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Note that APA usually calls for you to craft a title page instead of placing identifying information here. Also, indent the first line of each new paragraph. APA calls for in-text citations, as opposed to numbers that correspond to sources. You may be thinking of Chicago Style. Include the author’s last name, comma, year of publication, and sometimes the page number if it is a direct quotation: (Jones, 1999). The period goes after the parenthetical citation. See the SNHU resources in the feedback summary or the following website for additional advice regarding APA citations: https://owl.english.purdue.ed /owl/resource/560/01/ Is this part of your essay or the citation? mid-1940s You may have two competing beginnings to your sentence here. page 2 / 6 Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Your essay seems to take the form of one very long paragraph. Once you decide what your major topics are, break this up into paragraphs based on that. Dissects? Breaks down? Look for places where you may have inadvertently left this text at the end of your sentences. Think about this in terms of the advice I’ve offered you on in-text citations. Try to vary your sentence openings/phrasing in this essay. page 3 / 6 Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Remember, if you paraphrase material, you don’t need to put it in quotation marks. If you directly quote it, though, be sure to do so. Also note my suggestion about breaking this essay up into more than one paragraph. page 4 / 6 Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Begin on a new page. No need to bold title. Italicize the titles of journals, books, magazines, newspapers, websites and films. Otherwise, nice work here! After you’ve established a thesis statement and ordered your paragraphs accordingly, write one final paragraph that restates your thesis, sums up, and draws everything to a close. page 5 / 6 Proofed Paper: ntp101011 – Fri May 20 10:32:44 EDT 2016 Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org) page 6 / 6
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